Last week I finished my first 18 mile run. Pauly went with me and ran with "the emergency brake" on so he could run my pace. Here's how it went...from the mind of a crazy lady with thick legs and a sarcastic inner monolouge...
Mile 1 - Wow, I'm really glad it isn't hot and humid today. I am rocking this new "running skirt" thing, and it feels kinda free and lovely with a breeze hitting my legs! I can totally do this.
Mile 2 - Wait, I can't believe I am running in a short running skirt. Do my legs look fat? Ok...wait. Who the f*uck am I kidding? Of course my legs look fat. But you know what, they don't feel hot and sweaty in pants. That is pretty cool, no pun intended.
Mile 3 - Holy crap, we passed the picnic area already? Sh*t that was fast.
Mile 4 - This is actually really fun running with Pauly.
Mile 5 - This is flying by. I feel great. I'm a SUPERSTAR! I can totally run a marathon!
Mile 6-7 - Really, we aren't at the turnaround yet? I'm feeling a little hungry. I think this skirt makes my legs look fat. I'm actually really hungry. I'm kinda sweaty too. How the F are we not at the turnaround yet. I wonder if Paul's Garmin is off?
Mile 8 - Eat a Gu, some pretzel sticks and reapply the BodyGlide to the "healthy" thighs. Can't have chafing issues with like 3 miles to go. CAN'T believe I am in a running skirt. Besides the nagging feeling of self doubt, this feels REALLY comfy.
Mile 9 - Pauly, did the Garmin hit 9 miles yet? No? What about now? How about now? NOW?
Mile 10-11 - Just keep running, just keep running.
Mile 12 - Oh, that came faster than expected. I feel tired, and kinda hungry. Pauly, love ya kid, but I need my music now. Gotta get in a zone.
Mile 13-15 - Holy sh*t I feel good. Second wind!!!!! Eminem on the earphones and I am F-ing FLYING!!! I have GOT this run! Even though I am probably rocking a 12 minute mile right now, I feel like a freakin bolt of lightening. Wicked fast! This must be what "good" runners feel like all the time.
Mile 16 - WTF!!! Where did that second wind go? I would even settle for a freakin breeze right now. Do I need more angry music? Do I need more water, a Gu? NO, you know what I need...for this run to be over already.
Mile 17 - HOLY SH*T how F-ing far apart are these damn mile markers? A BAZILLION miles? I swear to God Paul's Garmin is wrong. If his Garmin makes me take 1 f-ing step more than I have to, Heather is going to have to choke a b*itch. Don't test me Garmin. I"ll set your corporate offices on fire over 2 extra steps without even thinking about it. Ok...that was crazy. Pull it together Heath... but GOOD GOD when will this last mile be over.
Mile 17.25 - Out of water in the backpack. Out of steam. Out of strength. Holy sh*t I want to give up and just walk. Who even gives a sh*t anymore?
Mile 17.5 - Almost in tears. Don't cry. Only wimps cry. My back feels like there is an axe in it. This last half mile might as well be a marathon.
Mile 17.75 - Best, get angry, loud, pounding song on the earphones and just get this f*ucker done. Don't think, don't cry, DON'T STOP!
Mile 18 - Drunk, stumbling legs...oh my GOD, am I going to fall? WAIT...I'M DONE!!!
Holy sh*t that was hard. As you can see, I felt pretty good for about 15 miles, and really flipping lousy for the last 3. Its progress though and I am really proud of myself. Less than 2 years ago, I couldn't run 2 miles. Now I can run 18 uninterrupted miles. Holy sh*t. If I do say so myself, that is pretty freaking amazing. *NOTE...if you can't run, haven't run, don't run or don't think you can...look at what I just said. You CAN do it. You have to start slow, but if I can do it, so can you.
Looking forward to an easy mileage week this week.
NOT so much looking forward to the NOT so easy Half Wit Half Marathon this weekend. Word on the street is you have to be a HALF WIT to do it.
This Half Wit is shaking in her boots. At least the Half Wit husband is coming along for the insanity.
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