Not Getting Much Better

This picture has NOTHING to do with my post...just thought it was pretty f-ing funny!

So I've have some motivation issues over the winter.  I figured it was just the cold and the dark and just the general lazy feeling that comes with winter.  Well I'm not really shaking it off very well.

This time last year I was excited to be running, I couldn't wait to go running and I was full tilt into marathon training.

This year...I could give a sh*t.  Seriously.  I wish I wasn't saying this, but it is how I am feeling.  I am just not "feeling" it with running right now.  I don't really have the desire to run, and I have even less passion to run a race.  WTF!  I'm not thrilled about this.

I dragged my a** out of bed this morning to run before work and I can see myself doing that...but just the standard 3-5 miles to keep from getting fat, stay healthy and be a good role model for my girl.  The thought of a long run on the weekend is making me want to gouge my eyes out.

I think part of what happened was just life.  Over the winter I started to really enjoy having my evenings back.  Last year I loved running with Nikki at night, shooting the sh*t and catching up on life...and the hanging out with Nikki part I would still like :)...but what I really love about having my evenings back is being able to spend more time with Hsin at night and not be rushed to get out and get my run in.  I like not being a panicked mess about what needs to get done around the house because I can actually get things done after Hsin goes to bed.  I am at work all day, and when I run at night I go running the minute Hsin is in bed which means by the time I get home and get showered it is after 9 and its time to pack lunches, pick out work clothes and go the f*ck to bed.  That I do NOT like!  Hsin has always gone to bed at 7:30 too and that is about to end.  She is starting to stay up until 8, and if she is up, I don't want to go running.

Last year long runs on the weekend felt like a chore that had to fit in around life.  I felt like I was on this freaking schedule.  I didn't realize it at the time, maybe the motivation of running my first marathon had something to do with it, but having to figure out when the hell to get my long run in between seeing friends, going away for the weekend, birthday parties, barbeques, etc...at times it felt like my LIFE was getting in the way of my running and that feels a little a** backwards to me.  LIFE is what I should be living.  My husband and my lovely little person are who my time and priorities should be with.  That is where I WANT to be.  I want to live life as it happens and not live it based on some schedule of running I am on.  I want to be at a point that if I miss a run the world won't end.  But if the world does end tomorrow what is it I want to have done the day before that happens...a 20 mile run or something wickedly fun with my family or my friends.  I think you all know the answer to that.  I want to do what I want to do, not what I can or should do to support a long run the next day.  I want to garden, go to the beach, ride bikes, or just veg out sometimes.

I like running.  I LOVE what running does for my body, and for my mind.  I want to train enough to run a few fun races, but I don't want to be a slave to it this year.  I thought after last year that I could do this again, but I am just not finding that passion for it that I though would come so easily.

I have a half marathon scheduled in May.  It is going to be a bloodbath.  At least it is happening along with a fun girls getaway with Nikki.  That part will be fun.  The running part will suck just a HUGE bit!

I Am An F*ing Mess

I'm a mess...what else can I say.  My life has been completely off kilter for like WEEKS!!!  I have serious issues too like when 1 day gets messed up routine wise, I think my entire life is disorganized and I start to freak out.  I never claimed to be normal, or sane, or anything like that...so stop judging me RIGHT NOW!  I'm a f*cking nut job.

4 weeks ago I was out of the office for 3 days and late home for 2 nights because of a Strategic Growth Conference for work.  Awesome experience, very honored to be 1 of only 30 people in my 50,000 person company to be invited, but that week started my crazy weeks from hell.  No running, no Karate, no normal eating...

The following week, my sister, her husband and my niece and nephew came to town.  Again...awesome time, love to see them, but I was out of the office for 2 days that week which just put work a little more in the hole.

Then the next week I had 3 days out of the office due to the Executive Development Program I am in...again...awesome experience, and very honored to be in this program, but it is 1 week out of every month since October and will last until June!  Each of these days included late nights with dinner out as well.  Crappy for my routine and really crappy for my diet.

So far the distractions have been positive ones.

Then came the really lousy one...my little peanut got sick.  REALLY sick.
2 weeks ago on Thursday, Hsin was sent home early from school with a low grade fever and she was really tired.  We kept her home Friday morning because she still had quite a fever.  By about 11am she was complaining that her throat and neck hurt and she was moving her neck really stiffly.  So I made a pediatrician appointment for 2pm that afternoon.  I assumed she had strep throat, we'd get an antibiotic, spend a quiet weekend and be back at school and work by Monday.
NOPE!
The quick strep test came back negative and the doctor was very concerned about the level of pain Hsin's neck seemed to be in.  She sent us to the ER that was attached to her office.
8 hours, blood work, an x-ray. and a cat-scan later (and many threats of a spinal tap...they thought she had menengitis) we finally were diagnosed with an abcsess on her tonsil (oh and days later the actual strep test came back positive as well).

So this was all at about midnight.  The ER we were in does not admit children, so we had to be transported by ambulance to a hospital closer to home that takes kids so she could get fluids and antibiotics via IV.

As Hsin and I are getting settled into bed at the new hospital, and Daddy was on his way from home where he was packing us a bag, the doctor doing rounds that night comes into the room.

He started asking all the normal questions you would expect from a doctor admitting your kid to the hospital:
When is her birthdate?
What has been bothering her?
Does she have any other medical issues?
Is she on any medications?
Was she a full term baby or a preemie?
THEN...he really threw me for a loop with this one...
Did you have any complications during pregnancy or delivery?
SAY WHAT?  I actually in all reality did say "I beg your pardon".

He looked bewildered that I wasn't just answering the question and I looked even MORE bewildered that somehow this guy who had gotten straight A's in HS, Straight A's in some fancy schmancy college and somehow eeked his way through medical school thought that I BIRTHED a HSIN-HUA.

I mean, I get it, Paul wasn't there so she could have an Asian Dad right...but people...if you have seen pictures of Hsin or met her in person...she is not HALF anything.  She is straight up, full strength, not watered down, no added flavors, Chinese/Taiwanese.

Not to mention, that is not what this guy was thinking, he honestly hadn't even looked at Hsin long enough to register that she wasn't a white kid.  When I said she was adopted, he looked all "oh, snap...right...yeah now that I look at her I TOTALLY get it."

It was a GREAT laugh when I told Paul when he finally arrived.  After 11 hours in the hospital with a very sick baby, and thinking she may have menengitis...Big Ups dopey Doc...you gave us a real ROFLMAO moment...and for that we thank you.

Hsin was a trooper and agreed to drink medication by mouth that honest to God tasted and smelled like battery acid so she could get her IV out and we could go home DAYS earlier than we should have been allowed to.  This medication was so bad it actually made the skin on her lips peel off.  We had to wash her lips and coat them in vaseline to keep them from like falling off.  That would NOT have been a good look.

It has taken up until this past Sunday for Hsin to really start to return to her old funny, and silly self, though she is still VERY tired.  Poor girl though, we found out on Sunday when she woke up with a FIRE ENGINE RED RASH all over he body that she is actually allergic to the battery acid antibiotic and had to be switched.  She is now allergic to that entire family of antibiotics.  But her spirits are back, she is back at school, she is saying rediculous things that make us pee ourselves laughing...she is just covered in a horrid rash, that looks worse that it feels, and we are hoping it clears up by this weekend.

So, this week has been my first week in about a month that feels like life can return to some sort of routine, YET, I have not been running.  My mind says GO and my body says NO.  Terrible, terrible fight.

I feel terrible and I know running will make be feel better...I just need to DO IT!!!
How in the hell do I get over this winter slump and get back into a groove again?  PLEASE...tell me!

I Want to Kick A** In Something

I know, I know...I can't even commit to running solidly 3 days a week anymore, so what the F am I doing looking into a NEW form of exercise when I can't even stick with the first one very well right now.

First of all...I DO plan on getting back to running at lunch next week.  I had my executive training program all last week and therefore didn't get to take a non-working lunch AND worked late almost every night.  Then to top it all off, I got a damn cold on Friday, which SUCKED.  The thought of running this week in cold weather with snot dripping from my nose the whole time just didn't f-ing appeal to me.  I'm a wuss...what do you want me to say?  So I'll be back next week now that I feel better.

So the other form of exercise...you are dying to know aren't you?  Karate!  I took it for about a year when I was in high school.  I LOVED it!  I loved the discipline, the structure, the workout and the confidence.  I want that again.  I need a little bit of cross training in my life just to keep things exciting, and this feels like the perfect thing.

Here is the truth about me and running.  Like the name of this blog makes pretty damn clear...I am a serious runner, but I am not very good.  I stick it out and run some pretty amazing distances compared to the rest of the world, but I am still not very good.  Sure its a confidence boost to say I have run a marathon and plan to run more.  It is a confidence boost to say I have run a 50k and plan for run more.  But I am still not very GOOD at running.  I'm not fast, and I am not even average.  I still like it.  Don't get me wrong, I still plan to run and run far.

I want something I am good at though.  I think Karate could be that thing.  I am strong and I am coordinated.  I was a KICK A** dancer when I was younger.  All of this I think gives me an advantage at being pretty good at Karate.  I will get stronger, will get a great workout, great discipline, great cross training and I can be REALLY good at something that is just for me!

I also like that I can be a positive role model for Hsin.  Hsin is a relatively quiet kid, pretty laid back, easy going and not assertive.  I want her to learn how to have a set of balls if you know what I mean.  Not in an inappropriate, kick all the other kids a**es on the playground kind of assertive, but a "I won't take sh*t from you just because you are more aggresive or bigger than me" kind of way.  I want her to be strong and confident in a quiet and laid back kind of way.  That inner confidence that she KNOWS she can stand up for herself when she needs to.  The Karate school I am looking at has kids classes too, and I think maybe Hsin will be more into going if she knows I do it too.  Not that I am going to push her into it if she doesn't want to do it...but I would like to at least make it a viable and attractive option for her.

I just set up my intro class for this coming Monday.  Let's see how it goes!!!

Sponsor Hsin-Hua to Run in the Runny Nose Kids Race!!!

Hsin- Hua will be running in the Runny Nose Kids 75 Yard Dash on March 25th, 2012 to raise money for her school.

This fundraiser is for the Parents Association of Hsin's preschool, on which I am the Co-President.  We raise money to fund programs like Kidnetics fitness, sign language classes and music classes for our children throughout the year.

NEW this year, our fundraising efforts will also benefit a scholarship fund to assist parents who cannot afford full tuition. We are especially excited about our fundraising efforts going to help parents who really need it!

We hope that The Runny Nose 5K,1 Mile Walk and 75 Yard Kids Dash fundraiser will not only help us to fund these valuable programs for our kids, but we also hope to instill a lifetime love of healthy living through exercise for the children who participate.

Would you like to sponsor Hsin-Hua to run the Runny Nose Run Kids 75 Yard Dash?

______ $10

______$15

______$25

______Other Amount

(You can either make a cash donation, or checks can be made payable to FELS)

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SUPPORTING HSIN-HUA AND OUR PRESCHOOL PROGRAMS!

(If you are local and would like to run the race, register at http://www.pretzelcitysports.com/ )
(If you are a local business person and would like to be a sponsor, please leave a comment and I will contact you).

Sick, Wet, Icy

The PLAN was to get back in the groove with running at lunch this week.
I feel fat and unhappy from not doing ANYTHING physical this past week.

Well, I have a wicked cold, sinus crap, the whole nine, and it is wet and cold and rainy and icy outside.

I feel like I am full of stinky excuses to not go out and run, but I really feel like wet and cold weather just isn't a good idea when I am sick.  I swear I mean it that if it was just cold, but sunny today, I would go.

I do have plans to do an arm and abs workout on THE RACK I got Paul for Christmas tonight.
Please let me feel better tomorrow so I can run!!!

Grand Opening...Grand Closing


So I posted on Monday about my grand re-entry into running at work.  I felt great on my run and was sticking to it.

I haven't run since!

That feels crappy.

On the upside though, it is because I have been a f*cking machine of productivity at work.  I have plowed through amazing amounts of work that have been piling up for months!

That feels FAB-U-LOUS.

I have lost 2 pounds this week just by making better eating decisions.

AND...tomorrow I am headed to the spa and shopping with Nikki for the day so WOOHOO mental health day!!!

On The Road Again

So based on my most recent post, you all know that I had no motivation to run.  It was cold, it was dark, and I was lazy and stupid.


So I started running at lunch time at work.  I blocked out an hour everyday on my calendar so noone puts a meeting there.  Obviously if I HAVE to do something work related I will, but this way noone puts something there if they don't need to.

So this is week 3 of running at lunch and I am LOVING it!  I don't have to get up at the butt crack of dawn in the dark and cold to run outside or on the damn dreadmill.

 My evenings are all mine and I swear when I get home at night I feel like  robbed a bank or something.

I have SO much time for activities.  I have been sewing sh*t, I made a new wreath for the front door, I have even just laid around eating 40,000 clementines and done NOTHING!  It is freaking glorious.

My awesome place of work has a locker room with a shower, but in the winter I don't really sweat enough for a shower which makes the whole process a bit quicker and without wet hair.  Hello deoderant, face wash clothes, baby wipes, baby powder, dry shampoo and a hair dryer.  You can't even tell I went running and I don't smell like a swamp! 

Super.

Hoorah to getting back on the wagon.  It feels great, my mood is lifting and I actually felt REALLY good on my run today!

Now, let's see how quick the 4 pounds I gained over the holidays comes off :)

The 12 Days Of My SORRY A** ATTITUDE ABOUT RUNNING

On the 1st day of Christmas my SORRY A** ATTITUDE ABOUT RUNNING gave to me...a lack of any mot-i-va-tion.

On the 2nd day of Christmas my SORRY A** ATTITUDE ABOUT RUNNING gave to me...a pollyanna and pot luck lunch  that included pizza, buffalo dip and cookies.  Thanks for the fat hips stupid.

On the 3rd day of Christmas my SORRY A** ATTITUDE ABOUT RUNNING gave to me...a damn cookie exchange that included cheese, spinach dip and wine!!!  Thanks for the gut fatso.

On the 4th day of Christmas my SORRY A** ATTITUDE ABOUT RUNNING gave to me...a complete and utter lack of the ability to get the F*CK up in the morning to run.

On the 5th day of Christmas my SORRY A** ATTITUDE ABOUT RUNNING gave to me...a Santa sized sack full of excuses that stink as bad as yesterday's pull up.

On the 6th day of Christmas my SORRY A** ATTITUDE ABOUT RUNNING gave to me...a scowling and judging husband that makes "good choices" like eating an apple while I am still eating the cookies from the damn cookie exchange.  F the husband and his good damn choices!!!!!

On the 7th day of Christmas my SORRY A** ATTITUDE ABOUT RUNNING gave to me...a best friend and running partner that has the same amount of motivation, the same sack of excuses and the same judging husband making "good choices" as me.  Seriously husbands...f*ck you and your good choices. 

On the 8th day of Christmas my SORRY A** ATTITUDE ABOUT RUNNING gave to me...a mess of a house, presents to wrap and random other sh*t to do that prevents me from spending even 30 minutes on the treadmill (pulled that beauty of an excuse straight from the sack).

On the 9th day of Christmas my SORRY A** ATTITUDE ABOUT RUNNING gave to me...a severe and near homicidal LOATHING of the treadmill.  I HATE you oh vial creature made for mind numbing boredom while exercising in the winter!!!

On the 10th day of Christmas my SORRY A** ATTITUDE ABOUT RUNNING gave to me...at least 2 more parties this season that will include fried food, butter, mayo, cheese and other various HORRID things for my waistline.

On the 11th day of Christmas my SORRY A** ATTITUDE ABOUT RUNNING gave to me...a growing waistline that is making me sad.

On the 12th day of Christmas my SORRY A** ATTITUDE ABOUT RUNNING gave to me...the sorry a** attitude I have about not wanting to run yet wanting to run, not having the time to run and not making the time to run....AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!

Please Santa...in addition to the dollhouse you are bringing for the Hsin-Hua...could you find in that big red sack of yours a better attitude and some motivation to get back on track with running for me?  I've been a pretty good girl this year, for serious.

By the by...who the hell gives a damn partridge and a bunch of other fowl to someone for the holiday.

We would SO not be friends in real life if you gave me that sh*t.

Just saying.

Fat, Dumb and Lazy Is No Way To Go Through Life

Well, yesterday was just lovely...I got up, I ran, I felt great.

Then this morning happened.  I set my alarm, and I got up...but I am so behind at work I came in early instead of running.

I am having a damn anxiety attack every 5 minutes over the amount of sh*t I need to get done at work, and I don't even know where to begin.  My desk looks like a bomb hit it, and I couldn't drink any more coffee if I tried.

So obviously taking a 5 minute break from it to complain over here on my blog was the best decision of where to start right?

GOOD GRACIOUS I need to get into some sort of groove or routine again.  I need 2 weeks in a row to be just normal weeks.  Weeks where I run in the morning, come to work and actually accomplish something rather than be in meetings ALL DAMN DAY!, come home and hang out with my peeps and eat dinner, then get stuff done around the house...rinse and repeat.

Well, keep dreaming sista!  It ain't gonna happen until after the holidays...speaking of which I have like NO shopping done yet!  I am usually done by October.  I don't know who I am this year!  I feel so disorganized and a mess.  Not running isn't helping.

I need to get it together...fat, dumb and lazy is no way to go through life.  Neither is tired, disorganized and looney!

All Rest And No Running Make Heather A Crazy Person


I took a break after the Philly Marathon.  A good, long break.  No running AT ALL!  It felt really good on the one hand, but REALLY crappy on the other hand.  Running keeps me sane, it keeps me balanced and it keeps me from being a damn lunatic.  Yes, Pauly will tell you I have been a bit pissy these last 2 weeks, and Hsin-Hua will tell you that I have been a bit of an impatient Mom that has done my share of yelling in her general direction the last 2 weeks.

SORRY everyone I have wronged during this temporary break from reality.

GOOD NEWS...I ran this morning.  It was slow.  It was ugly.  And it was a very short run.  But it was a run.  I feel 10 pounds thinner, and I even feel like being nice today.  I might even hug a stranger (yeah, on second thought...f*ck that...I'm not that nice).

Yup, I got up at the crack of dawn and ran on the treadmill.  Not my favorite place to run, but I will run in rain, I will run in the cold, but I am not a fan of running in both rain and cold.  Since it was both this morning, my basement and a treadmill had to do.

It certainly helped the motivation that Nikki texted me at 5:30 to say she was getting on her elliptical.  How could I NOT get up if she was even if we weren't running together.  Thanks for the kick in the pants girl!

So Heather got her groove back this morning.  I even did 100 sit ups and a handful of push ups (I suck at these and have ZERO upper body strength...this is a goal for over the winter). 

This was a much needed break and it did feel good in its own way, but...Oh Running...I missed you much!